Walking the line

I can hardly believe it is finished, but last week help me to realize that I have indeed come to the end of the process of getting that dissertation finished. I had the wonderful privilege of having friends, two daughters with me (the Stephanies), as well as John. I consider myself blessed indeed.

This last week John and I took a quick trip to Athens to visit a friend there. She lives on a noisy street only a few blocks from the Parthenon so we spent part of one afternoon just sitting on a bench watching stray dogs seek shelter from the sun, observing the magnificent ruins and talking about life, student ministry and the people around us. I found it fun to try to understand the Greek from my knowledge of biblical Greek and try to imagine what Athens must have been like “back then”.
We also attended the graduation of one of the students that has become a friend of K’s. Every hour, another group of about 30 students filed in with their blue gowns and funny caps (not quite as silly as the flat squares that we wear in the States), with the usual hubbub of parents and friends trying to take pictures and loaded with flowers and gifts.
But what touched my heart was the young woman that we were there for. Her small family was delighted that a friend had come and she was so pleased that someone cared enough to be there for her.
In this massive city, how many people wonder if anyone out there cares for them, or even if they are “worthy” of being loved. What an enduring part of human nature! Architecture, technology, knowledge, and civilizations come and go, but love is still a (perhaps the!) central need for a person’s well-being. No wonder Paul wrote to the Corinthians “If I speak with the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal…if I give away all I have…but have not love, I gain nothing…Love never ends”.

You may have been wondering what I have been doing for a month without writing…the following is the abstract and acknowledgments that are the final projects of doing a dissertation.
Abstract:
Unlike the Trinity, the church exists in a framework of sociological constructs and relational dyads that are unequal in their distribution of power. Douglas’ Grid/Group theory, Giddens’ Theory of Structuration and Volf’s Trinitarian ecclesiology provided the theoretical basis to demonstrate the impact that the extensive changes in the German cultural context of the last century have had on church structures. Regardless of form, a church is challenged to practice redeemed patterns of power. To that end, a structural theory of dynamic asymmetry and a theology of redeemed power were explored that served to critique Weberian types of power and the “ideal” of egalitarianism, and to demonstrate that counter-rational investment of power make it possible to enfold cultural individuals as redeemed agents into a covenant community.
Appreciation:
To those who have empowered me to greater accomplishments than I could have achieved alone, I am truly grateful. German Pentecostal churches opened their hearts to me, candidly sharing thoughts and experiences on the potentially explosive topic of power. Judy and Sherwood Lingenfelter, my formal and informal mentors, kept me from fading away physically and emotionally with their hospitality and friendship. Sherwood, from whom I have received praise as well as timely and insightful critique, took the tangled strands of my massive research and with clarity set me on a path of attainable discovery.
The guidance and enthusiastic insights of Ryan Bolger and Veli-Matti Kärkkäinen enabled me to see the importance of my research beyond the local application in German churches. Fellow students provided a sounding board and the chance to articulate arguments over dozens of cups of coffee at Coffee by the Books
My children and their spouses were a continual encouragement with their emphatic “You can do it Mom!” Stephanie (Leder) carefully read my text, reminding me that the apostle Paul could have long sentences but he didn’t have a daughter editing his letters. And finally the greatest debt of gratitude goes to my beloved John, who knows my gifts and has encouraged me to become all that the Lord has created me to be; who is indeed a man who pours his life out for others, and I have been a recipient of his generous, loving spirit.

So it is finished. Thank you Jesus!

Today we heard a great sermon at Lake Avenue Church about the 5th Commandment: Honor your father and mother so that it may go well for you in the place where you are planted. One of the questions that we hear so often is, what happens when your parents have disappointed you and have been the cause of great pain in your life rather than being a blessing? And what happens does this imply obedience, as it appears in Ephesians where the Apostle Paul said, Little Children, obey your parents—and then he goes on to quote the 5th Commandment.
Pastor had some great insights, for instance, “honoring” takes on different shades of meaning as a person grows. For a small child it means obedience, for an adult it means living in such a way that brings honor and respect to the family, and when parents are old, it means caring for them in a respectful way. Furthermore, honoring your parents belongs to the “second” commandment—the first is to love the Lord with all your heart, the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. The first takes priority over the second, but when the first is adequately followed, the second is well fulfilled. So no parent can expect a child to obey against the character and nature of God.
Anyway, the sermon turned my thoughts and memories to my parents. My mother passed away six years ago next month and my dad a year and a half later. As I have been preparing the final drafts of my thesis, I have thought about the fact that without the encouragement, training and discipline from my parents, I would most likely not be here today. I seek to bring honor to them, even with them gone on to heaven, by the way that I live. They taught me well how to share (Mom and Dad adopted two children from Korea when I was 8 years old), they taught me how to work (Dad had a pharmacy that I worked at throughout my childhood years), they brought me to church and taught me how to love God, and they taught me how to live in community. My Dad and Mom were both involved in multiple organizations, and the neighbors knew that a cup of coffee was readily available when they knocked on the door.
The truly beautiful thing is that my great 8 children (including the ones that had the courage to marry into our family) challenge me to be the kind of parent that they can truly honor—and even more than that, to love.

This is John. I am a guest columnist. I am recovering from by-pass surgery. It is slower than I thought it would be but I am thankful the surgery was three weeks ago tomorrow. I don’t have any profound thoughts at this moment. I hope that’s OK. By habit I use stairways rather than elevators so as I was in the stairwell this morning at Providence Hospital, I thought, ‘all this stairway walking didn’t seem to have the desired result, aka. no heart problems!’ Oh well, I am sure it was good for my heart and body anyway. Thanks for praying for me….and use the stairways! John
And this is Anita:
This has been an interesting week—John impatiently waiting for physical normalcy, and I have been slaving away, re-writing the last chapter of my thesis while I have been editing the other chapters. So we are a silent interesting pair…its probably good that we were alone, as neither of us were great company!
Sarah and Daryl have been in Springfield and should be home this evening, after having had a flight canceled on Saturday due to “weather” (Yahoo weather said 10 miles visibility, 14 mph winds and no freezing temperatures, rain, sleet, hail or tornadoes?), and have been struggling to get here ever since.
On Sunday I took over Daryl’s class again—discussing Ecclesiastes. We talked about death (a big topic in Ecc)—and one thing that we decided was that it is the great equalizer—and a great teacher. So even as we sit here mired in our healing process, writing process, and missing the kids, we need to be reminded to enjoy today, and live it to its fullest…
So thats what we are doing.

I am sitting in the hospital room in Anchorage Alaska. Outside the weather is overcast and we have had snow flurries after a couple of days of sunny skies. Being the observer, rather than receiver of the bypass, I obviously don’t have the pain, except for the pain of watching someone experiencing pain, weakness, and helplessness—and the joy when progress is being made. The problem is that it is never just an uphill road. One hour we are rejoicing in progress, the next hour we agonize through pain, nausea, or the chills that seem to overcome him whenever he returns from a walk around the hospital corridors.
Hmmm, this is sounding more depressing than it should—I can certainly count the blessings:
It is wonderful to be with Daryl and Sarah in Anchorage for this surgery. Wow, what do people do when they are alone through these things? Sarah works as a nurse in this hospital in the Emergency room, and some wonderful colleague donated two vacation days to her, so that she could be with me on Tuesday and Wednesday. Bless him
This morning we were able to have a Skype conversation with the SFC team that is meeting at our house in Waterloo to plan this summer’s student training—CSM. We enjoyed getting to add our two cents worth, even if it was just “Great Job” and Amen to a task already well done!
What fun to talk to Mom Koeshall, who at 96 is rallying the troops to pray for John and me through what is a routine surgery…and how thankful we are for 5 bypasses that are clean flowing. Now to keep them that way.
These next couple of weeks, we will be recovering here in Anchorage. My goal is to finish my dissertation: all the charts finished up, edited, formatted, indexed, abstract written, and ready for publishing.
Hopefully we will both have time to scan through some of Daryl’s great library, play at least one game of scrabble per day, and see a few moose.
I’ll let you know how it goes!

Its quite an experience, sitting at a table with three professors paging through the thick document that I had worked almost 5 years producing. One by one, they took turns asking questions and thankfully I didn’t sit there without a thought in my head!! After an hour and a half of questions they asked me to step out of the room while they discussed whether it was pass, pass with corrections or sorry! but fortunately they called me back in, made several recommendations and passed it. So I suppose that means that officially, I am Dr. K now, but I just feel like the same old me, only tired!
One thing though, I can truly say that I am very glad that I have (and am still completing) this whole research project. If no one else in the world is changed by this effort except for me, that is sufficient. When I look back, my very favorite part was visiting the churches and interviewing all the wonderful people—well over 150 of them—who answered questions, trusted me with their concerns, and treated me with Kaffee und Kuchen. There is a wonderful community of faith in Germany, and I am so glad that I was able to get to know them.

Last Friday, John and I left Europe with a bit of fear and trepidation as we headed for Anchorage Alaska to be with Sarah and Daryl for the coming adventures in our lives. Even though surgeons in Europe are as good as they are anywhere in the world, there is no place like family when it comes to recuperation! So we have opted to have the bypasses done in Anchorage.
Yesterday morning I said goodbye to John and began the journey from Anchorage to Pasadena California in order to defend my thesis next Monday. As I woke up this morning I realized how life seems a little surreal. We had not planned it this way!
We had an appointment with the cardiologist and saw the images of John’s beating heart and the obviously totally blocked artery, and another artery restricted just above and below a branch in several places, so that a blockage above the Y would have been life threatening. How thankful we feel that he is alive and feeling quite well. The doctor said that there is nothing he could have done to prevent this, that his genes are simply against him. (No, it wasn’t those daily half gallons of ice cream that he ate as a kid on his paper route) So for the next two weeks, John is to exercise to the point of feeling heart pain in order to work up his strength and prepare him for surgery on or around the 25th of February. I will arrive back from Pasadena on the 23rd, (hopefully having passed my defense) , so that we can be together through this time. John will not be able to travel till the end of March, but then after that, his strength will be returning and we look forward to going back to Europe and to the ministry.
It has been wonderful to be with Sarah and Daryl. She knows where to go and how to get things done in the medical world, and Daryl is just there—a stable character and fun to have around, as he pours over the papers he is correcting for the Fuller on-line classes he teaches, and tries to eavesdrop on the conversations we are having.

I have always thought that if MY husband were having a heart attack, that I would recognize it and call an ambulance. But here we are one week post-heart attack, and in the moment (hours) of crisis, it didn’t even occur to me to call the doctor. Why? We were in Krakow Poland for a prayer conference with SFC, it was the middle of the night, and John convinced me that it was anxiety, or food poisoning, or a terrible case of the flue. There was no sensation of “elephant sitting on my chest”, but he rolled in agony for almost four hours with sweaty clammy skin, complaining of stomach ache (why did I eat all that garlic and cheese cake?) and anxiety about the ability to lead the wonderful group of people who are our SFC community.
The next day—in the afternoon—he was still pale and weak, he decided to pay the 700 euro to get back to Brussels on Monday rather than waiting for our wednesday flight, and I thought,—this must be more than flue! By the time we got back to Brussels, my husband was recovering quickly and not even sure he wanted to go to the doctor—but I persisted and Wednesday Dr. B (who chuckled and teased in the morning as he took the test) called at 5:30 pm and said, I want you at the hospital emergency room within 30 minutes! Hmmmm.
After twenty four hours in the hospital with a bunch of tests including an angiogram behind us, we wait to see when we can fly again to get the clogged arteries taken care of.
I am so thankful that John is alive, that the Lord at least urged John to fly home early and me to get that blood test done, but I am still a little mind-boggled by how immobilized we can become when we are staring death in the face. And yet, I am more convinced than ever that God gives us the days of our lives. Our trials and sicknesses are very appropriate for helping us keep our perspectives and priorities straight, and for sure keeps us loving one another.

Sitting and home, safe and sound in Brussels after being gone since the 9th of December, John and I have been reflecting on the whirlwind life has been since Stephie and Hannes got married. A cold and blustery exploration of Berlin with friends and family was followed by Christmas with John and Kristen, Kirk and Amy. Then on to the Euro Student Conference in Nurnberg. Check out the pictures on the sfceurope.org website. In case you wonder what all those crazy pictures are, we explored three episodes in the book of Acts: chapters 1 and 2 and the transformation of the followers of Jesus into an energized church, chapter 16 and the collection of Lydia, a Jailor, and most likely a servant girl—very different folks—into a house church, and then the transformation of Paul on the road to Damascus. Everyone was involved, and it turned out to be a great time of learning and listening to the text and to each other.
Now home to round up receipts for end-of-the year bookkeeping and buckle down to doing another rewrite of my dissertation. Unfortunately due to the unrest in Kenya, meetings we were to participate in were canceled—a good thing for my dissertation, but sad for the country of Kenya.
As we settle in for a spell of staying in one place, it is also a time of reflection on the blessings of last year. We are really thankful for the great team of university ministers who work so well together, we are relishing the memories of the wedding, the time at Hoch Imst, the fellowship of the family, we are thankful for the work that has been accomplished, and we rejoice in the strength and well-being that we have been blessed with.